Tonight, for the first time in several years, I attempted to watch the Oscars. Unfortunately, 10 minutes into Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue, (and that’s being generous) I already regretted my decision. Still, because I can’t ever seem to walk away from a train wreck, I kept watching. Save for a few good moments, that’s 3 ½ hours of my life that I will never ever get back.

Mr. MacFarlane, you made the Oscars extremely uncomfortable to watch. Seriously, that was beyond painful. I suspect the Academy knew you were going to be a horrible host which is why they tried to beat all the journalists to the punch with that headline bit starring William Shatner, or as my dad so affectionately refers to him, “The Shat.” I ran across a blog that posted a drinking game. It said simply, “Take a shot every time Seth MacFarlane doesn’t make you laugh. Also, don’t do this. You will die.” Well, glad to know I wasn’t alone in my misery.

As Olivia pointed out to me tonight, where are Tina Fey and Amy Poehler when you need them? Daniel Day-Lewis even proved he would have been a more effective host and he was only on stage for three minutes.

Continuing a string of awkward moments: I’m not sure whose brilliant idea it was to suggest the theme to Jaws as the play off music – that wasn’t only mean and unoriginal – but totally wrong. I have no plans on ever winning an Oscar, (sorry, mom) but Olivia did promise me an award for not being Seth MacFarlane which I think is far more kick ass. Sufficed to say that if anyone ever used the theme to Jaws to play me off the stage, I would be beyond livid.

Other awkward moments included: 

1). A seemingly drunk (or high) Kristen Stewart

2) Robert DeNiro caught on camera falling asleep

3). Ben Affleck’s acceptance speech for Argo taking a not-so-subtle dig at the Academy by saying that, “It’s hard, but you can’t hold grudges,“ detailing what has led to much of his success in Hollywood since winning his first Oscar for Goodwill hunting in 1998.

As someone who is a big fan of cinema, it’s a sad thing for me to admit that the Academy has become something to parody as of late.

All I can say is, next year, anybody would be better than Seth MacFarlane. Anybody.