THE GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN SURVIVAL GUIDE: WHY LAUGHTER ALWAYS WINS

If you’re not laughing at the government shutdown, you’re doing it wrong.

Yes. I said it.

Some of you will no doubt disagree with me outright that with our federal government shut down and costing our economy an estimated $300 million per day, now is not the time for jokes. Except that humor heals. Humor should overtake baseball as our national pastime. To paraphrase Chandler Bing, funny is all we have. Laughter is the best medicine. Unless of course, you die of laughter. Then, as Joey Tribbiani might remind us, the point is moo.

I digress.

Let’s get real for a second. There’s absolutely nothing funny about 800,000 federal employees being furloughed as a result of the government shutdown. As President Obama pointed out, this shutdown did not need to happen, but it did. Why? Because Republicans suck at math and seem to lack a basic understanding of how laws work. Despite not having the votes in the Senate to do so, they tied their cooperation on passing a Continuing Resolution to the defunding of Obamacare which was a non-starter for Democrats, setting the stage for our nation’s first government shutdown since 1995. If I may borrow a segment from my favorite podcast, Too Beautiful To Live, it’s time to “Shut It Down, America.”

Once the clock struck midnight, my Twitter feed became a barrage of all things shutdown related. “BREAKING: The United States of America” read a tweet from political columnist Sarah Kenzior. The comedy floodgates were open. Comedians (both established and aspiring) began basking in the glistening comedic sun political brinksmanship bestowed upon us—and that—is something that I can enthusiastically get behind.

Ahead of the House of Cards mockup that became the front page of Tuesday morning’s New York Daily News, the fictional Twitter account of Francis J. Underwood reminded us all about the importance of breathing. Buzzfeed took us through the mind of every federal employee gracing us with a message from Heath Ledger’s Joker, and Andrew Siciliano of DirecTV’s Red Zone Channel alerted us that the government was officially listed as ‘questionable’ for Sunday.

Jon Stewart took to the airwaves Monday night likening the Republican threat of a shutdown over Obamcare to the New York Giants threatening to shut down the NFL if they didn’t get 25 additional points following their 31-7 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs last week.

“They didn’t do that. What I am saying is, wouldn’t it be nice if the United States Congress aspired to the maturity and problem-solving capacity of football players?” Stewart said.

Much to the chagrin of Republicans, October 1 saw the on-time launch of the long-awaited health insurance marketplaces open for business as promised, just with a few more glitches than expected. Both President Obama, and HHS Secretary Kathleen Sibelius downplayed the challenges to the user-experience as par for the course given the increase in traffic to healthcare.gov. Obama’s analogy comparing it to the launch of iOS 7 was a bit of a reach, though. Sure, nobody told Apple to stop making the iPhone due to a few bugs, but unlike Obamacare, Americans have a choice to opt out of the iPhone if they don’t like it (without a penalty, I might add), and at least iPhone 5S has a fingerprint scanner. Your move, Obamacare.

I can’t rag too much on Obamacare. After all, I spent two years at HHS educating and informing the public on its key provisions and promoting the healthcare exchanges. That’s why watching Jimmy Kimmel confront a very confused public made me laugh and cry simultaneously. What’s better: The Affordable Care Act, Or Obamacare? Spoiler alert: it’s the same piece of legislation. Worse still, while many agreed that an informed citizenry was an essential part of our democracy, it seems many Kimmel interviewed were in fact, not. Clearly the ACA still has a branding problem.

NPR even had some fun providing single people inside the Beltway with eight can’t miss pickup lines sure to separate the wheat from the chaff in the dating world. “Hey baby, do you not have health insurance? Because you have ’fine’ written all over you.” Zing.

Our friends over at Fox news are living in an entirely different universe altogether, not even acknowledging that the shutdown itself is real. The government isn’t shut down according to Fox, it’s just losing weight, and Sean Hannity is treating the shutdown like Californians treat earthquakes; he just doesn’t quite feel it impacting him, he’s not quite sure what the big deal is, and he’s going about his day as planned.

Nobody can say with any certainty how long the shutdown will last, and while everything that is happening is absolute lunacy, you’ll be much better served by taking the advice of Kevin Spacey’s political alter ego and remembering to breathe normally and appreciate the humor.

DISNEYLAND’S NEW DISABILITY POLICY TREATS EVERYONE THE SAME, FINALLY

“It’s been fun, but I don’t think I need you as a friend anymore.“

That was the single line email I received from my best friend of over 20 years this afternoon when he read about the proposed new rules for disabled guests at Disney Theme Park. Having known him as long as I have, I can say with confidence that I thinkhe was kidding.

The change, sparked in large part by the well-publicized policy abuses from companies like Dream Tours, rolls out October 9 allowing disabled patrons to return to a ride at a designated time—similar to the FastPass system Disney currently makes available to everyone—effectively ending the longtime practice of line-skipping. In other words, they’re finally treating individuals with disabilities like everybody else.

Now, it is true that I will certainly miss what author John Green might call a ”wheelchair perk.“ For many years as a kid growing up in Los Angeles, frequent trips to Disneyland happened. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I didn’t enjoy circling the park multiple times on a given summer afternoon with my friends. However, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve offered to trade my disability with anyone who believes the temporary celebrity gained among friends for the day’s outing is worth dealing with other “perks” of being disabled. In my case, excessive fatigue from standing or walking the shortest of distances, attempting to maintain a steady gait while praying silently that I don’t trip, fall, and end up face-to-face greeting the pavement, and enduring awkward stares from passersby in the process who have no idea how much energy (physical and mental) it takes just to get myself from point A to point B. Not surprisingly, nobody has taken me up on it.

As a kid, I found out who my real friends were rather quickly. There were those who hung out with me all the time, and those who invited me out just ahead of their trip to Disneyland. The only difference was, despite my entrepreneurial spirit from an early age, I didn’t have the chutzpah or damaged frontal lobe required to charge the latter for an afternoon of riding roller coasters. I also had no desire to punch my ticket to Hell before I was even old enough to see an R-rated movie.

People with disabilities of varying degrees are often accused of "gaming the system” by the ignorant and uninformed whose schema of disability they don’t fit into. Accommodations of any sort are offered in an attempt to level the playing field, and because Federal law prohibits asking for specifics on an individual’s given disability there will always be those who take advantage of these safeguards who shouldn’t. Regardless, Disney is right to try and rectify abuses with their new policy. The only question in my mind is, “What took so long?”

Of course none of this would even be an issue if the park had accessible lines to begin with, but that’s another story altogether.

STARBUCKS CEO HOWARD SCHULTZ’S OPEN LETTER IS MEANINGLESS

Dear Mr. Schultz,

Long ago I was taught not to kick somebody when they’re down. So, naturally I’m obligated to lift you up prior to taking you to task for your recent open letter concerning Starbucks’ gun policies to coffee snobs everywhere. So be it.

Mr. Schultz, I love your coffee. Starbucks offers premium quality coffee at affordable prices. De-lish. Every day, I visit a nearby Starbucks location comically testing out new aliases to see if I can catch an unsuspecting barista off-guard. I confess, I’m addicted.Starbucks is my mistress, and I know I’m not alone.

I have a love-love relationship with all of your baristas who energetically mix whatever Frappuccino concoction I feel like trying off of the ever-expanding Starbucks Secret Menu with a smile while simultaneously asking where I got the idea to blend my Java Chip with Cinnamon Dolce and Toffee Nut syrup. Putting aside the inconsistencies with how much I’m charged from store-to-store or even barista-to-barista for the same drink, or the lack of disability friendly access and seating at the vast majority of locations I’ve been to here in D.C., the effort that goes into making Starbucks that elusive “third place” you strive for is paying off.

Having said that, your open letter published this morning by The New York Times, The Washington Post, USA Today, and The Wall Street Journal among others is appreciated, but ultimately meaningless. In the wake of Monday’s events at Navy Yard it’s certainly timely, and I would argue, politically motivated. There have been numerous occasions for you to voice your concern, yet you waited. The truth is, a polite request like this will fall on deaf ears. Even worse, so would an outright ban assuming you were willing to enforce it, which you made clear you are not.  If someone lawfully or otherwise wants to enter your store with a gun, they will. That won’t change. 

On the subject of respecting “open carry” laws, I’m reminded of the lyrics from Chris Rock’s 1999 No Sex In The Champagne Room where he muses, “Don’t go to parties with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside, but what about everyone else waiting outside with guns? They know you don’t have one.” I am not by any stretch of the imagination a card-carrying member of the NRA, but I do know that for many people, particularly in states where open carry is permitted, the desire to feel safe will trump the need for a daily caffeine fix every time. 

You are correct that no action you take will satisfy everyone. Social media has already erupted in backlash, but that was bound to happen no matter what position you took. However, walking the line on this issue with a polite request of this sort seems disingenuous at best and politically motivated at worst. Take a stand, Mr. Schultz. Pick either side of the fence, just don’t sit on it.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my Frappuccino is waiting.

WHAT THE NAVY YARD SHOOTING TEACHES US ABOUT PR AND POLITICS

Yesterday’s events at Navy Yard offer us some great lessons in public relations and demonstrate the power that social media can and should play in the face of tragedy. As with anything, some did it well, others not so much.

Anyone who follows the United States Navy on Twitter knew about the incident while the shooter was still in the building because the Navy was tweeting about it in real time. At first it struck me as odd if only because of the closely guarded nature of our military, but this kind of reporting is exactly what you want in a moment of crisis. You want to get information out quickly to as many people as possible and  get ahead of the story before misinformation becomes fact in the blink of an eye. The US Navy’s approach here was spot on. Get ahead, and control the story. They did a fantastic job on that front.

In other proof that good always triumphs over evil, Uber DC sent out a tweet on its account letting patrons know that they were offering free rides to those still within the vicinity of the shooting. Good PR and doing the right thing go hand-in-hand. Take note, WMATA.

Proving they have no class and holding their riders with such contempt, a WMATA bus denied free bus fare to a patron from Navy Yard. As if that weren’t enough to make you disgusted, not only were they disseminating information to as few people as possible, but they continued to disseminate the wrong information.

Amid all the chaos and uncertainty, the Senate went on lockdown by the afternoon out of “an abundance of caution.” However, the House, which is actually closer to Navy Yard, did not. Go figure. Politics are always at play in this city.

Finally, we have the response of our beloved Washington Nationals. They did the right thing offering the stadium as a place to reunite families with those affected by the shooting, but why it took almost the entire day deciding to postpone the evening’s game, I’m not sure. With the ongoing investigation and insistence by the Capitol Police that residents remain away from the area, it defies logic. There certainly are logistics involved in canceling an event like this at the last minute, but I think if Major League Baseball were more coordinated it wouldn’t have taken them almost six hours to make that call. There are several reasons from the outset that game should have been canceled immediately. The most obvious reason is that you don’t want play in an unsafe environment. Not to mention many players (rightfully so) felt that playing last night would be disrespectful.

Social media is a powerful medium and can be used to great advantage during crisis time. Your brand can benefit tremendously when it’s used correctly or it can suffer when it’s not.  Learning to leverage it and use it wisely when needed is extremely valuable.

THIS WEEK IN PR: ROYALLY COMICAL

What an interesting week it’s been both here at home and across the pond for PR. This week we examine the good, the bad, and the royally comical.

First, we have the good: Simpsons co-creator Sam Simon has pledged his entire fortune to charity after being diagnosed with terminal colon cancer. There’s also the heartwarming story of President George H.W. Bush shaving his head after the young son of one of his Secret Service agents was diagnosed with leukemia. “It was the right thing to do,” Bush said of his solidarity.

Then, we have the bad: the salacious details of Anthony Weiner’s sexting scandal and the 23-year-old woman now claiming she felt used and manipulated. Really? I’m sure she’ll parlay it into a book deal and laugh all the way to the bank. More notably, Spirit Airlines and the New York Sports Clubs are themselves looking to capitalize on the latest revelations surrounding the embattled mayoral candidate whose “Flaccid poll numbers” (thanks to The Wrap for that gem) prove he’s got a bigger battle ahead of him than he may have anticipated.

Slate, too, is getting in on the action with its very own Anthony Weiner pseudonym finder. You know, in case you have the urge to, um, live “Dangerously.” For the record, you can call me Esteban Perill.

Still can’t understand for the life of me the geniuses behind his apology tour who allowed him to give this press conference without preparing him properly. He stumbled awkwardly, hardly appeared sincere, and strained himself looking up from his prepared remarks. Not to mention the seemingly creepy guy at about the 1:00 minute mark whose head pops out every now and again from behind his cubicle as if he’s part of a live action Where’s Waldo. Watching Anthony Weiner trying to stage a comeback is proving to be a comedy of errors. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that it can’t be done. We’ve seen it. But it has to be done the right way. Not every wife who stands by her man in a time of scandal is going to come out the other side of this looking like Hillary Clinton. Let’s also not forget the attempted comeback of New York Governor Eliot Spitzer who, fair or not, is tied to Weiner. On the bright side, at least you aren’t this reporter, drawing attention to herself for all the wrong reasons.

In other news, Chipotle admitted to staging a Twitter hack of its own account in a publicity stunt supporting their 20th anniversary campaign. Well, it worked. The company maintains that public reaction to the prank has been largely positive, and it did certainly help bring hype to what might have otherwise been a lackluster promotional effort, but I have to wonder if this will do you any long-term brand damage. Oh, who am I kidding? Chipotle is so addictive they could lie to me seven ways to Sunday and I’d still be one of the first to lineup for a burrito.

Finally, we have the birth of the Royal baby. Something to celebrate? Absolutely. Worthy of the nonstop 24/7 coverage garnered from the moment the Duchess of Cambridge announced she was pregnant and the pandaemonium that ensued the moment she went into labor? I honestly don’t understand the fascination here in the States. I’m entertained more by the CNN ticker gaffe that proved to have the world’s worst timing, or Oreo’s comical take. Sidenote: Oreo has a history with some great campaigns.

If people in the United States cared half as much about domestic politics as they did about the birth of George Alexander Louis, (Seriously, that’s the best you could do?) I’d feel a lot better about the future of democracy in this country.

Counting Crows Live

The Wallflowers/Counting Crows @ Wolftrap.

Train Vs. Elf Mashup

Dear Train, this is what happens when Will Ferrell and your music intersect. My remix of Save Me San Francisco. So much fun.

BURYING THE DEATH PENALTY

Have you read Grave Injustice yet? Read the press release I authored, below.

American University Professor Rick Stack Releases Hauntingly Poignant Narrative Exposing Uncertainty of Capital Punishment

Washington D.C—“Can you imagine what it feels like to know that the state wants to kill you?” Such is the unfathomable question posed by death row exonerate Shujaa Graham who, after enduring three years on San Quentin’s death row, now counts himself among the 140 nationwide fortunate enough to be alive and able to shed light on the broken criminal justice system that nearly killed him.

Others are not so lucky.

For them, communication professor, and death penalty thought leader Richard Stack has penned his fourth book, Grave Injustice. An eye-opening, gut-wrenching narrative exposing the fallibilities and fallacies of our nation’s criminal justice system head-on and the lethal consequences that follow. Through a series of case studies that are sure to make you uncomfortable—even angry—Stack profiles the ultimate fate of nearly two dozen individuals silenced far too quickly by a court content to see them put to death on extremely questionable merit; the erroneous say-so of a jailhouse snitch, shaky eyewitness testimony, police corruption or coerced confessions. No DNA? No problem. Grave Injustice unearths the unspoken reality that justice itself is not only blind, but also can be painfully indifferent.

With several state legislatures deliberating repeal of capital punishment and bringing the death penalty debate front and center, Grave Injustice is a hauntingly poignant reminder of the enormity of what’s at stake. For opponents of the death penalty it’s a vested interest in being on the right side of history, for the condemned, it truly is a matter of life and death.

“Really this is about leading a dialogue and giving a voice to those who aren’t able to do it themselves anymore,” says Stack. “Here we have irrefutable evidence that far too often the system gets it wrong. That’s unacceptable.”

Regardless of one’s position on capital punishment, Grave Injustice can’t help but move and inspire as time and again it raises serious questions about the efficacy of the irrevocable decision to willingly end another human life in the name of justice when there’s the very real possibility of innocence.

For more information visit http://www.amazon.com/Grave-Injustice-Unearthing-Wrongful-Executions/dp/1612341624

About the Author

RICHARD A. STACK serves on the faculty of the School of Communication at American University in Washington, DC. He is the author of three previously published books, including Dead Wrong: Violence, Vengeance & the Victims of Capital Punishment(Praeger, 2006). He lives in Silver Spring, Maryland.

Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan talks with NPR’S Scott Simon about his new book, Dad Is Fat at Sixth and I synagogue in downtown Washington D.C. on June 4, 2013.

During the Q&A When I asked him what advice he had for me as an aspiring comic, he reminded me to write frequently and surround myself with supportive likeminded people.

DREAM TOURS EMERGING PR DISASTER

Legendary investor Warren Buffet once said, “It takes 20 Years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.” Nowhere is this more accurate than in public relations, and when faced with a communications crisis how you handle it makes all the difference.

Dream Tours, a Florida-based company that aims to enrich the experience of physically challenged guests guiding them around Disney theme park, is under fire for allegedly helping guests skip the lengthy lines by posing as family members. Since the story broke curtesy of the New York Post yesterday, Dream Tours has been in crisis mode and failing miserably for not recognizing three of the biggest truths about crisis communication.

Crisis Truth #1 You Have To Communicate Immediately

Silence may be golden, but not in PR. Save for a two sentence statement citing “inaccurate press and slander” shutting down their VIP offering, Dream Tours remains silent on the allegations issuing no counter narrative to the press and failing to take full advantage of their own blog or social media channels (which they themselves promote) to correct the supposed misreporting. The longer they remain silent the quicker these allegations become widely accepted as “fact.”

Crisis Truth #2: Social Media Can Make Or Break You

Their company Twitter account contains only two tweets dating back to August of 2012 and their Facebook page was updated just hours ago (more than 36 hours after the Post broke their story) with the first response echoing their website and adding that they’ve now hired counsel to investigate their legal options. On the plus side, their message is consistent. On the negative, the message lacks substance. It’s astounding to me that in our current digital climate where company reputations can rise and fall with a single tweet or Facebook post that Dream Tours is caught so unprepared. The size of the company notwithstanding, in crisis time, long silences are the equivalent of PR suicide. It’s not enough to simply say the story is inaccurate and assume the job is done. With no counter narrative their silence is perceived by the public and the media as guilt, accurate or not.

Crisis Truth #3: Once You Hear The Thunder It’s Too Late To Build The Arc.

Smart companies understand that crisis preparation is key and plans should be drawn up early and practiced often. The good news is that most crises are predictable and thus, can be prepared for accordingly. Do you know who your crisis team is? Have you brainstormed potential crises that may happen to your company? Develop your responses and conduct real-time drills. Like every other type of disaster, you prepare, you practice, you find the gaps and refine. Doing and saying nothing only worsens the problem.

John F. Kennedy once said,

“When written in Chinese, the word ‘crisis’ is composed of two letters. One represents danger, the other represents opportunity.”

I’m curious to watch how the rest of this story unfolds.